Federico, Joshua, and Sara are children like any other. Sociable, happy, good at school, full of friends, sometimes capricious, sometimes obedient. But their birth certificate is different because, according to Italian law, unlike what happens in many other European countries, these three minors have only one parent, their biological mother.
The other mother, the one who raised them from birth together with her partner, does not appear anywhere.. They pretend nothing's happening. When they bring home their report cards, they demand that both parents sign them. And if they end up in the hospital, they want both of them by their side.
But the truth is that they are "children of a lesser god", second-class citizens, forced to live with half the protections of their peers. This is the fate our country reserves for children born into homosexual families, a possibility not contemplated by our legislation.
In Italy it is estimated that they are one hundred thousand Minors with at least one gay parent. Some are born from heterosexual unions that later ended in divorce, but many, increasingly, have lived in a home with two mothers and two fathers from the start. According to the ModiDi research, conducted in 2005 by Arcigay with the patronage of the Istituto Superiore di Sanità, 17.71% of gay men and 20.51% of lesbians over 40 have children. Considering all age groups, one in 20 gay men or lesbians is a parent. And, even more significantly, 491% of same-sex couples would like to have children.
To fulfill their dream many go abroad. Lesbians in Spain or Northern Europe can resort to assisted reproduction. Men in Canada or the United States are looking for a surrogate mother. Other couples, however, choose the do-it-yourself route. Women resort to self-insemination or look for a friendly donor. But it is not uncommon for family of four parents, two men and two women, who agree to have a child and then raise it together.
To protect their rights, the association was born three years ago Rainbow Families (www.famigliearcobaleno.org). At the beginning there were 15 members, today there are 400 of which about 170 families and 110 children. Numbers are certainly destined to grow: "Every week," says the president Giuseppina La Delfa, French accent, short black hair, and a lovely smile—we welcome one or two new members. We have three groups of people: prospective parents, established homosexual families, and those who have had children in heterosexual relationships and are now living in a gay couple. The latter suffer more psychologically, may have problems with separation and divorce, sometimes they are unable to see their children or gain custody of them. Homoparental families, on the other hand, live better everyday life because they are a nucleus constituted in the open but they have a mountain of legal problems".
To protect yourself, you go to a lawyer even before your children are born. "But the margins are very narrow," he explains. Stefania Santilli, Milanese lawyer of the Rainbow Families help desk —. A co-parenting agreement can be made in which it is stated that the non-biological mother or father must raise the child in the event of the death of the other. But these are private documents that have no legal value. You can make a living will and use a trust, a judicial agreement to entrust your assets to a third party.".
Many European countries have found a solution to these problems by giving a role to the social parent through specific laws that protect these relationships between adults and children. "This leads to the paradox," explains Santilli, "that, for example, the children of an Italian-German couple have two parents in Germany and only one in Italy»On this issue, the Rainbow Families are preparing four pilot cases to be filed in Italian courts because "Europe provides that a child," explains La Delfa, "cannot be discriminated against based on where he or she lives. It's incongruous for them to become orphans by crossing a border.".
But how do the children of homosexual parents grow up? Dozens and dozens of studies conducted abroad demonstrate that there are no problems.«Parents' sexual orientation does not affect the child's development — he explains to the Corriere Fulvio Scaparro, a psychotherapist specializing in childhood and family issues—who, especially in the early years of life, need affection, constant presence, reliability, parental harmony, and guidance. A homosexual family, therefore, is capable of raising a child in the best possible way.
In the book Children for gays? Margherita Bottino, psychologist, and Daniela Danna, sociologist, describe the children of homosexuals as more tolerant children, less conforming to gender stereotypes, raised by parents with a higher level of education and self-awareness than heterosexual children. "It's clear," Scaparro explains, "that a boy or girl who grows up in a homosexual family tends to view diversity more favorably, perhaps to be less conformist. This is neither an advantage nor a disadvantage. The real danger for these children is the prejudices of a society like ours, where the family is traditional, married, perhaps in church. This is something we must fight against.".
Elizabeth O'Connor, an American mother of two girls and co-author with her partner Suzanne M. Johnson of For Lesbian Parents, has no difficulty admitting that differences exist: "Our daughters are very androgynous, more inclined to enter traditionally male fields, they play in a less gender-stereotypical way. How can this be a negative thing? Boys show a similar tendency; they have a very strong propensity for nurturing, and that can't be a negative thing either. Most of them eventually realize they are heterosexual. As a psychologist, I think this is anything but negative." being able to consider all the possibilities before deciding who you are».
