MILAN – People try everything to find their soulmate. But when traditional methods fail, time is running out, and loneliness increases, the only thing that still works is the old-fashioned matchmaking agency. Now revamped and "modern," as the manager of Italy's first dating agency exclusively for gays and lesbians explains.
FOR THE UNSUSPECTED – What the marriage agency (or rather, "Singles Club," according to the latest trend) "Il Delfino" does isn't for everyone. It helps homosexuals find a partner and, if the search is successful, walk them down the aisle. The agency is the first in Italy aimed exclusively at lesbians and gay men: the people who trust the consultants' sensitivity (all women and heterosexuals) like to call themselves "the unsuspected." From the professional fulfilled by his job but not by his private life, to the retiree looking to start a new life, to the young women who complain about the loneliness they experience even in Milan or Rome. Their lives aren't easy, filled with fears and worries about coming out. The agency also organizes coaching sessions and "SOS Solitude" meetings to help those who haven't yet come out.
SEARCHING FOR A LIFETIME COMPANION – During the time they sign up to the agency, at least a year, clients are offered multiple dates. "We don't have an Ikea catalog," explains Patrizia Castiglioni, who oversees the Milan office. "No photos: we try to match people with similar interests, respecting each other's requests." The prince or princess will be met on a blind date, and if it's not the right one, then on to the next one. Most are over 45, more women than men, and have a good level of education. "Our clients don't like to show off." This discretion is also evident in the ads left on the agency's website. Most people are looking for a life partner who can share their daily lives; there are few references to their physical appearance.
In its four years of existence, the agency, which has several offices in Italy, including Milan and Turin, has given its blessing to about fifty couples; 30 percent of those who asked for help found their soulmate. And many are asking for marriage. "Marriage is a serious matter for them," explains Castiglioni. No time to waste, because the search is aimed at a ring on the finger. Old-fashioned marriage, exactly what sociologist Laura Kipnis of Northwestern University in Chicago theorizes. In her book, Against Love, she explains how gay marriage, seen by many as the main rival to traditional marriage, is nevertheless the most conscious and lasting bond. "I do" is forever.
WEDDINGS – Same-sex marriage is not recognized in Italy. And couples in love are forced to fly abroad, especially to Spain. The agency works with a law firm that handles all the paperwork. "Homosexuals who come to us think twice before getting married, also because, compared to a traditional wedding, their wedding is also expensive." Once they've said "I do," they immediately return to Italy for a celebration with friends. "Many do it because they want something that's forbidden in Italy, others simply for its symbolic meaning." But while in Italy the piece of paper is worth less than a movie ticket, in the foreign country it's effectively a marriage certificate and, above all, "if Italy were to pass a law to this effect, the marriage would be retroactive.".
INTERNATIONAL APPEAL? – Many are coming out into the open, and the news reports show more or less successful attempts by same-sex couples seeking to crown their love with a lifelong promise. A couple from Pisa, Vincenzo and Diego, who have been together since 1979, even attempted to publish their marriage banns, hoping to obtain a ruling from the Constitutional Court that would establish their legal existence as a couple. But to no avail. On August 27, Sergio Lo Giudice, leader of the Democratic Party in Bologna, and Michele Giarratano, head of the Arcigay legal office, tied the knot in the Norwegian capital, announcing their intention to begin a "legal process to request the registration of their marriage in Italy as well." Democratic Party MP Anna Paola Concia also married her partner Ricarda Trautmann in Germany in early August. Concia is now calling on all Italian LGBT spouses who have entered into a marriage or civil contract abroad to join forces for an international appeal.
Ilaria Morani
