Sex between men: risky or not?

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Sex between men is really very beautiful.
However, if done incorrectly, some practices can be dangerous to our health.
To have sex between men without risking HIV infection or sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), it is necessary to know how to best manage various situations.
This article contains a series of useful information for living pleasantly today and peacefully tomorrow.

SEX & HIV
BASIC INFORMATION

Where is the HIV virus found?

In an infected individual, the HIV virus is present in large quantities in the blood and semen.
Pre-semen contains a small amount of the virus—so small, many experts say, that it poses no real risk.

How does it infect, that is, enter the bloodstream?

The body has numerous barriers that protect against infection. The most important barrier is the skin, which keeps viruses out.
However, the virus can pass through mucous membranes. During sex, infection can occur through this route.

Where are the mucous membranes located?

In men they are located in the mouth, the urethra (part of the penis) and the anus.

Which mucosa is more sensitive?

The most sensitive mucous membranes are found in the urethra and anus. They contain numerous small blood vessels (capillaries), which are easily damaged.
However, the virus can cross this mucosa even when it is not damaged. If blood, semen, or pre-seminal fluid containing HIV comes into contact with the mucosa, the virus can enter the bloodstream.

How can we prevent the virus from entering the body through the mucosa?

When engaging in penetrative sex, always use a condom and water-based lubricant from the very beginning. Avoid allowing blood and semen to enter your body or your partner's.

SEX & OTHER SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES
BASIC INFORMATION

Besides HIV, what are the sexually transmitted diseases?

There are many.
The most frequent are:
– hepatitis A,
– condylomas,
– syphilis,
– gonorrhea,
– the candid,
– scabies,
– the crabs…
They are more common than HIV, so it's best to be careful about them.
Unlike HIV, they are curable (ointments, pills, outpatient surgery, etc.) and there is even a vaccine for hepatitis A.

What are the symptoms?

These are very different conditions. Pus may be discharged from the urethra, a burning sensation when urinating, skin ulcers or blisters, jaundice, and itching.
Sometimes there are no visible symptoms at all. For this reason, many of us have decided to undergo routine checkups, either at our doctor or at specialized centers (public ones are almost always free and often anonymous).

How are they transmitted?

They are transmitted more easily than HIV, also because infection does not occur only through blood and semen:

  • hepatitis A, for example, can be transmitted through the ingestion of even very small quantities of feces;
  • Condylomas, gonorrhea and syphilis can be transmitted through direct contact with secretions, infected areas or micro-lesions of the skin. .

How to prevent them?

Condoms are an effective prevention tool if we use them correctly, even during oral-genital intercourse (i.e., “blowjobs”) — regardless of ejaculation.
We can get vaccinated against hepatitis A.

– Mario asks: I always use a condom for anal sex and I don't let anyone come in my mouth. Am I also at risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease?
– Our responseYou protect yourself from most risks, but not all, since even skin-to-skin contact, oral-genital intercourse without ejaculation, and oral-anal intercourse (i.e., tongue-to-anus contact, "rimming") can be sources of infection. You decide how much weight you give to it, consciously and calmly.

AND NOW A LIST OF SEXUAL PRACTICES, EACH WITH ITS OWN LEVEL OF RISK

If…

DEEP KISS

  • Shall we kiss deeply? Neither of us is at risk of contracting HIV.

MASTURBATION

  • Do we masturbate each other? Neither of us is at risk of contracting HIV.

ORAL-GENITAL RATIO

  • Should I perform oral-genital intercourse (i.e., "give him a blowjob") without a condom and without ejaculation? The risk of HIV for me is very low; however, the risk of other sexually transmitted diseases (for example, syphilis and gonorrhea) should not be underestimated.
  • Does he perform oral-genital intercourse on me (i.e., "give me a blowjob") without a condom and without ejaculation? I am not at risk of contracting HIV; however, the risk of other sexually transmitted diseases (for example, syphilis and gonorrhea) should not be underestimated.
  • If I perform oral-genital intercourse (i.e., "I give him a blowjob") without a condom and he comes in my mouth? I'm at high risk of contracting HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases (e.g., syphilis and gonorrhea).
  • He performs oral-genital intercourse on me (i.e., "gives me a blowjob") without a condom and I come in his mouth? I am not at risk of contracting HIV; however, the risk of other sexually transmitted diseases (for example, syphilis and gonorrhea) is not to be underestimated.

Using a condom correctly during oral-genital intercourse protects against 100%.

GOLD-ANAL RATIO

  • Do I perform unprotected oral-anal intercourse (tongue-to-anus contact, 'rimming') on him?

Neither of them is at risk of contracting HIV; however, there are risks that I should not underestimate regarding hepatitis A.

  • Does he perform unprotected oral-anal intercourse (tongue-to-anus contact, 'rimming') on me?

Neither of them is at risk of contracting HIV; hepatitis A, moreover, is not a risk for me.

Getting vaccinated against hepatitis A and/or using protection during oral-anal intercourse provides protection against 100%.

ANAL PENETRATION

  • Should I penetrate him without a condom and without ejaculation? I'm at risk of HIV; however, I shouldn't underestimate the risk of other sexually transmitted diseases (such as syphilis and genital warts).
  • Does he penetrate me without a condom and without ejaculation? I'm at risk of contracting HIV; the risk of other sexually transmitted diseases (e.g., syphilis and genital warts) should not be underestimated either.
  • If I penetrate him without a condom and come inside him? Do I risk contracting HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases (for example, syphilis and genital warts)?
  • He penetrates me without a condom and comes inside me? I'm at high risk of contracting HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases (for example, syphilis and genital warts).

Using a condom correctly during anal intercourse protects against 100%.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

How can I use this list?

With this general framework, we can choose what type of sex to have in each situation (steady or casual partner, 'comfortable' or 'uncomfortable' place...) and establish rules for our sex life—quality and serene.

Why is this choice important?

In most cases, HIV is invisible.
Furthermore, one partner may be HIV-positive without knowing it. If we've had unprotected sex with another person, we may have become HIV-positive without knowing it and may pass the virus on to our partner without meaning to.
If we haven't been tested, it's difficult to be absolutely sure that we don't have HIV.
So let's not indulge in a false sense of security. Let's base our choices on the facts described in the list. Let's choose sex without risking infection.

– Luca asks: I'm HIV-positive. Are these recommendations also valid for me?

– Our responseYes. We may find ourselves in different situations, but health, awareness, and responsibility towards ourselves and others remain valid principles in any case.
If we are HIV-positive, we must be careful about other sexually transmitted diseases, which can compromise our body, and about the risk of HIV reinfection—that is, contact with strains of the virus different from our own and perhaps already resistant to currently available drugs.

IT'S NOT ALWAYS EASY, WE KNOW

Now that we have all the essential information at our disposal, it is up to each of us to make the choices we feel are right, establish our limits, and enforce them.
Sometimes we will have to defend them against the temptation to push ourselves further.
It's not always easy, we know.

How can we make safe sex a little easier than we think?
Three simple ideas:

  • choosing the sexual practices that each of us feels are most suited to our own personality, desires, beliefs, and preferences;
  • making note of what 'went wrong' in the past so you don't keep repeating the same mistake;
  • being strong when 'others are weak.

And what happens if you don't practice safe sex?

Instead of judging and rejecting each other, it's better to ask each other what went wrong. Only then can we find a way to avoid it next time.
We're certainly not alone in facing these challenges. Most of us have the same questions and concerns regarding the risk of HIV infection. Therefore, everything will be easier if we seek solutions together, sharing our experiences—both positive and negative.

FOUR STORIES ABOUT US

‘'illusion of silences

Marco and Alex met at a Gay Pride parade. They hit it off immediately.
When they made love, they caressed each other in their rush of love and passion.
Marco had never fully done it, and one day he asked Alex to experience the intense emotion of his first time. He wanted to experience intimacy and pleasure with Alex. After a series of failed relationships, the right person had finally arrived.
Because they were in love and faithful to each other, they ignored the precautions and immediately started doing it without a condom.
Later, one of them learned he was HIV-positive. Neither had considered getting tested. They loved each other too much to talk about it.

The discoveries

I started having relationships with other boys at thirteen. At first, I was attracted by the game and the awareness of doing something forbidden, in secret, with my heart pounding wildly, the desire to touch, to see, to understand. I had my first full sexual encounter at twenty, with a boy from my school, older than me.
When my parents found out I was gay, it was a shock. Then they learned to accept me for who I am. Now they think being gay is just another form of love; they've met my gay friends and some of my boyfriends.
I often argue with my parents. They tell me I should take care of myself and my health. I've always been informed about the risks of sexually transmitted diseases. Condoms were never unfamiliar to me; even my sister used them.
Since then, I've always insisted my boyfriends use condoms. I've never done anything that would have made me worry the next day.
Before going out for the evening, I slip a condom and some lube into my army pants pocket, put on my usual white tank top, and go out to have fun with my friends at a disco or some other venue.
I admit, I've had many boyfriends, but the important thing is that I've loved them all, each in a different way, and I'm not just saying this… I find it exciting to discover a different person, a new and unexplored body, to caress their skin, lick it, feel it shiver, know their smell, understand what they like.
‘'The life I love in each of them. And it's my life I care about. That's why, even though there are new drugs for AIDS now, I want to stay away from disease.

The day after the fog

Hi Giulio,
I'm sending you this email from the office because I have some important things to tell you.
‘You always knew I was crazy about Lorenzo. Last night I met him at the club, you know it's gay night. I'd taken ecstasy with my friends and was all nervous, a little more out of it than usual. We danced all night, I could see him sweating on the dance floor, staring at me. We drank a few beers together, then we went home, started having sex on the stairs. I gave in to his desires.
Then I don't remember exactly, everything went hazy, I was immersed in absolute pleasure. I gave him everything, just like that, naturally.
I know what you're thinking. I confess that now I'm really scared. I don't know what to do, I'm not myself anymore.
I feel like if I continue like this I'm ruining myself.
Help me, you are a friend.
I hug you.
Lorenzo

Love with different signs

When Giorgio and I met six years ago in a university study hall, we didn't think we'd be together for so long.
At first we thought it was just a short-lived story, then over time we became more and more attached and discovered the love that united us.
I was very scared because I had to tell him my 'secret', that I had been HIV-positive for 12 years and I didn't know how he would take it.
After three months of dating, I wrote him a letter and he understood that this didn't change our love.
We have always used condoms for anal sex between us and Giorgio has always remained negative in all these years.
Sometimes I forget to take my medicine and Giorgio helps me remember the times and sometimes he goes to the hospital and picks them up for me.
Occasionally, during periods of separation, one of us has sexual intercourse outside of the couple. Although it's sometimes difficult, I don't want to put anyone at risk, so I'm always careful about casual relationships.
I also like to talk about these worries of mine with my partner, which is why I feel I love him so deeply.

CORRECT USE OF CONDOMS PROVIDES EFFECTIVE PROTECTION. HOW TO USE THEM PROPERLY?

It's not difficult, just follow four rules:

  • Let's check that it is in good condition (is it intact or does it look damaged? Did we keep it near a heat source or in our wallet for too long?);
  • let's put it on and make it fit well (is it the right 'size'? have we unrolled it well, leaving an empty part at the top as a reservoir?);
  • let's use it and make sure we use it always and from the beginning of intercourse, possibly with a water-based lubricant that reduces the risk of micro-trauma to the mucous membranes and does not damage the walls of the condom;
  • Let's replace it from time to time when we change positions and/or have sex for a long time.

Using a condom, even for oral sex, is a personal choice, depending on the level of risk we're willing to take; many of us do.
Even selecting sexual partners is an individual choice.

WE ALL HAVE A PART IN STOPPING HIV

Yes, it's true, there are new drugs against HIV, but what do you gain from contracting a disease?
There are only benefits to taking care of yourself and your health.

If we fall in love with a guy and decide to stay together, it's important that we both get tested for HIV. If we're both HIV-negative, we can decide whether to continue using condoms or not with greater awareness and honesty.

Getting infected with HIV isn't anyone's fault. If we're HIV-positive, let's remember that love is an intimate feeling, talking is emotional support, and protecting others is a human responsibility.

Kissing, touching, licking, having full sex, playing… There are many sexual practices between men capable of expressing pleasure and intimacy.
Let's not feel obligated to have unsatisfying sexual relationships. We are the ones responsible for our own actions; we are the ones who decide for our own good.

Sex between men is really very beautiful.
However, if done incorrectly, some practices can be dangerous to our health.
To have sex between men without risking HIV infection or sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), it is necessary to know how to best manage various situations.
This article contains a series of useful information for living pleasantly today and peacefully tomorrow.

SEX & HIV
BASIC INFORMATION

Where is the HIV virus found?

In an infected individual, the HIV virus is present in large quantities in the blood and semen.
Pre-semen contains a small amount of the virus—so small, many experts say, that it poses no real risk.

How does it infect, that is, enter the bloodstream?

The body has numerous barriers that protect against infection. The most important barrier is the skin, which keeps viruses out.
However, the virus can pass through mucous membranes. During sex, infection can occur through this route.

Where are the mucous membranes located?

In men they are located in the mouth, the urethra (part of the penis) and the anus.

Which mucosa is more sensitive?

The most sensitive mucous membranes are found in the urethra and anus. They contain numerous small blood vessels (capillaries), which are easily damaged.
However, the virus can cross this mucosa even when it is not damaged. If blood, semen, or pre-seminal fluid containing HIV comes into contact with the mucosa, the virus can enter the bloodstream.

How can we prevent the virus from entering the body through the mucosa?

When engaging in penetrative sex, always use a condom and water-based lubricant from the very beginning. Avoid allowing blood and semen to enter your body or your partner's.

SEX & OTHER SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES
BASIC INFORMATION

Besides HIV, what are the sexually transmitted diseases?

There are many.
The most frequent are:
– hepatitis A,
– condylomas,
– syphilis,
– gonorrhea,
– the candid,
– scabies,
– the crabs…
They are more common than HIV, so it's best to be careful about them.
Unlike HIV, they are curable (ointments, pills, outpatient surgery, etc.) and there is even a vaccine for hepatitis A.

What are the symptoms?

These are very different conditions. Pus may be discharged from the urethra, a burning sensation when urinating, skin ulcers or blisters, jaundice, and itching.
Sometimes there are no visible symptoms at all. For this reason, many of us have decided to undergo routine checkups, either at our doctor or at specialized centers (public ones are almost always free and often anonymous).

How are they transmitted?

They are transmitted more easily than HIV, also because infection does not occur only through blood and semen:

  • hepatitis A, for example, can be transmitted through the ingestion of even very small quantities of feces;
  • Condylomas, gonorrhea and syphilis can be transmitted through direct contact with secretions, infected areas or micro-lesions of the skin. .

How to prevent them?

Condoms are an effective prevention tool if we use them correctly, even during oral-genital intercourse (i.e., “blowjobs”) — regardless of ejaculation.
We can get vaccinated against hepatitis A.

– Mario asks: I always use a condom for anal sex and I don't let anyone come in my mouth. Am I also at risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease?
– Our responseYou protect yourself from most risks, but not all, since even skin-to-skin contact, oral-genital intercourse without ejaculation, and oral-anal intercourse (i.e., tongue-to-anus contact, "rimming") can be sources of infection. You decide how much weight you give to it, consciously and calmly.

AND NOW A LIST OF SEXUAL PRACTICES, EACH WITH ITS OWN LEVEL OF RISK

If…

DEEP KISS

  • Shall we kiss deeply? Neither of us is at risk of contracting HIV.

MASTURBATION

  • Do we masturbate each other? Neither of us is at risk of contracting HIV.

ORAL-GENITAL RATIO

  • Should I perform oral-genital intercourse (i.e., "give him a blowjob") without a condom and without ejaculation? The risk of HIV for me is very low; however, the risk of other sexually transmitted diseases (for example, syphilis and gonorrhea) should not be underestimated.
  • Does he perform oral-genital intercourse on me (i.e., "give me a blowjob") without a condom and without ejaculation? I am not at risk of contracting HIV; however, the risk of other sexually transmitted diseases (for example, syphilis and gonorrhea) should not be underestimated.
  • If I perform oral-genital intercourse (i.e., "I give him a blowjob") without a condom and he comes in my mouth? I'm at high risk of contracting HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases (e.g., syphilis and gonorrhea).
  • He performs oral-genital intercourse on me (i.e., "gives me a blowjob") without a condom and I come in his mouth? I am not at risk of contracting HIV; however, the risk of other sexually transmitted diseases (for example, syphilis and gonorrhea) is not to be underestimated.

Using a condom correctly during oral-genital intercourse protects against 100%.

GOLD-ANAL RATIO

  • Do I perform unprotected oral-anal intercourse (tongue-to-anus contact, 'rimming') on him?

Neither of them is at risk of contracting HIV; however, there are risks that I should not underestimate regarding hepatitis A.

  • Does he perform unprotected oral-anal intercourse (tongue-to-anus contact, 'rimming') on me?

Neither of them is at risk of contracting HIV; hepatitis A, moreover, is not a risk for me.

Getting vaccinated against hepatitis A and/or using protection during oral-anal intercourse provides protection against 100%.

ANAL PENETRATION

  • Should I penetrate him without a condom and without ejaculation? I'm at risk of HIV; however, I shouldn't underestimate the risk of other sexually transmitted diseases (such as syphilis and genital warts).
  • Does he penetrate me without a condom and without ejaculation? I'm at risk of contracting HIV; the risk of other sexually transmitted diseases (e.g., syphilis and genital warts) should not be underestimated either.
  • If I penetrate him without a condom and come inside him? Do I risk contracting HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases (for example, syphilis and genital warts)?
  • He penetrates me without a condom and comes inside me? I'm at high risk of contracting HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases (for example, syphilis and genital warts).

Using a condom correctly during anal intercourse protects against 100%.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

How can I use this list?

With this general framework, we can choose what type of sex to have in each situation (steady or casual partner, 'comfortable' or 'uncomfortable' place...) and establish rules for our sex life—quality and serene.

Why is this choice important?

In most cases, HIV is invisible.
Furthermore, one partner may be HIV-positive without knowing it. If we've had unprotected sex with another person, we may have become HIV-positive without knowing it and may pass the virus on to our partner without meaning to.
If we haven't been tested, it's difficult to be absolutely sure that we don't have HIV.
So let's not indulge in a false sense of security. Let's base our choices on the facts described in the list. Let's choose sex without risking infection.

– Luca asks: I'm HIV-positive. Are these recommendations also valid for me?

– Our responseYes. We may find ourselves in different situations, but health, awareness, and responsibility towards ourselves and others remain valid principles in any case.
If we are HIV-positive, we must be careful about other sexually transmitted diseases, which can compromise our body, and about the risk of HIV reinfection—that is, contact with strains of the virus different from our own and perhaps already resistant to currently available drugs.

IT'S NOT ALWAYS EASY, WE KNOW

Now that we have all the essential information at our disposal, it is up to each of us to make the choices we feel are right, establish our limits, and enforce them.
Sometimes we will have to defend them against the temptation to push ourselves further.
It's not always easy, we know.

How can we make safe sex a little easier than we think?
Three simple ideas:

  • choosing the sexual practices that each of us feels are most suited to our own personality, desires, beliefs, and preferences;
  • making note of what 'went wrong' in the past so you don't keep repeating the same mistake;
  • being strong when 'others are weak.

And what happens if you don't practice safe sex?

Instead of judging and rejecting each other, it's better to ask each other what went wrong. Only then can we find a way to avoid it next time.
We're certainly not alone in facing these challenges. Most of us have the same questions and concerns regarding the risk of HIV infection. Therefore, everything will be easier if we seek solutions together, sharing our experiences—both positive and negative.

FOUR STORIES ABOUT US

‘'illusion of silences

Marco and Alex met at a Gay Pride parade. They hit it off immediately.
When they made love, they caressed each other in their rush of love and passion.
Marco had never fully done it, and one day he asked Alex to experience the intense emotion of his first time. He wanted to experience intimacy and pleasure with Alex. After a series of failed relationships, the right person had finally arrived.
Because they were in love and faithful to each other, they ignored the precautions and immediately started doing it without a condom.
Later, one of them learned he was HIV-positive. Neither had considered getting tested. They loved each other too much to talk about it.

The discoveries

I started having relationships with other boys at thirteen. At first, I was attracted by the game and the awareness of doing something forbidden, in secret, with my heart pounding wildly, the desire to touch, to see, to understand. I had my first full sexual encounter at twenty, with a boy from my school, older than me.
When my parents found out I was gay, it was a shock. Then they learned to accept me for who I am. Now they think being gay is just another form of love; they've met my gay friends and some of my boyfriends.
I often argue with my parents. They tell me I should take care of myself and my health. I've always been informed about the risks of sexually transmitted diseases. Condoms were never unfamiliar to me; even my sister used them.
Since then, I've always insisted my boyfriends use condoms. I've never done anything that would have made me worry the next day.
Before going out for the evening, I slip a condom and some lube into my army pants pocket, put on my usual white tank top, and go out to have fun with my friends at a disco or some other venue.
I admit, I've had many boyfriends, but the important thing is that I've loved them all, each in a different way, and I'm not just saying this… I find it exciting to discover a different person, a new and unexplored body, to caress their skin, lick it, feel it shiver, know their smell, understand what they like.
‘'The life I love in each of them. And it's my life I care about. That's why, even though there are new drugs for AIDS now, I want to stay away from disease.

The day after the fog

Hi Giulio,
I'm sending you this email from the office because I have some important things to tell you.
‘You always knew I was crazy about Lorenzo. Last night I met him at the club, you know it's gay night. I'd taken ecstasy with my friends and was all nervous, a little more out of it than usual. We danced all night, I could see him sweating on the dance floor, staring at me. We drank a few beers together, then we went home, started having sex on the stairs. I gave in to his desires.
Then I don't remember exactly, everything went hazy, I was immersed in absolute pleasure. I gave him everything, just like that, naturally.
I know what you're thinking. I confess that now I'm really scared. I don't know what to do, I'm not myself anymore.
I feel like if I continue like this I'm ruining myself.
Help me, you are a friend.
I hug you.
Lorenzo

Love with different signs

When Giorgio and I met six years ago in a university study hall, we didn't think we'd be together for so long.
At first we thought it was just a short-lived story, then over time we became more and more attached and discovered the love that united us.
I was very scared because I had to tell him my 'secret', that I had been HIV-positive for 12 years and I didn't know how he would take it.
After three months of dating, I wrote him a letter and he understood that this didn't change our love.
We have always used condoms for anal sex between us and Giorgio has always remained negative in all these years.
Sometimes I forget to take my medicine and Giorgio helps me remember the times and sometimes he goes to the hospital and picks them up for me.
Occasionally, during periods of separation, one of us has sexual intercourse outside of the couple. Although it's sometimes difficult, I don't want to put anyone at risk, so I'm always careful about casual relationships.
I also like to talk about these worries of mine with my partner, which is why I feel I love him so deeply.

CORRECT USE OF CONDOMS PROVIDES EFFECTIVE PROTECTION. HOW TO USE THEM PROPERLY?

It's not difficult, just follow four rules:

  • Let's check that it is in good condition (is it intact or does it look damaged? Did we keep it near a heat source or in our wallet for too long?);
  • let's put it on and make it fit well (is it the right 'size'? have we unrolled it well, leaving an empty part at the top as a reservoir?);
  • let's use it and make sure we use it always and from the beginning of intercourse, possibly with a water-based lubricant that reduces the risk of micro-trauma to the mucous membranes and does not damage the walls of the condom;
  • Let's replace it from time to time when we change positions and/or have sex for a long time.

Using a condom, even for oral sex, is a personal choice, depending on the level of risk we're willing to take; many of us do.
Even selecting sexual partners is an individual choice.

WE ALL HAVE A PART IN STOPPING HIV

Yes, it's true, there are new drugs against HIV, but what do you gain from contracting a disease?
There are only benefits to taking care of yourself and your health.

If we fall in love with a guy and decide to stay together, it's important that we both get tested for HIV. If we're both HIV-negative, we can decide whether to continue using condoms or not with greater awareness and honesty.

Getting infected with HIV isn't anyone's fault. If we're HIV-positive, let's remember that love is an intimate feeling, talking is emotional support, and protecting others is a human responsibility.

Kissing, touching, licking, having full sex, playing… There are many sexual practices between men capable of expressing pleasure and intimacy.
Let's not feel obligated to have unsatisfying sexual relationships. We are the ones responsible for our own actions; we are the ones who decide for our own good.


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